I have begun to discover that perspective is everything. The way i perceive that exact situation someone else experiences with me. I guess to some extant i knew that but in reality it never really clicked. like my time here has been the exact same time as the rest of my team has had but we all feel so different.
i guess that isn't really what is on my mind right now. I am so brain trapped. I am doing the girl thing. I don't want to be a girl. I get flustered and distracted it is weird.
Motivation... where does it go. For some reason prayer feels so fake. i don't know. When I sit down to pray or to read it feels so forced like I have to b/c I am a missionary and that is just what we do. i don't know. That probably doesn't make since or makes me sound horrible and that is not what I want I just can't seem to make sense of it. I don't know. Sometimes I eel like he already knows what I want to say so why even bring it up. I don't know if that... oh I don't know. I feel so far away. he feels so far away. I don't know how to go back. i wish this made sense. I just have so many thoughts and I don't feel like it is a concept easily discussed. It scares people when you say you are struggling because they don't want to say the wrong thing. I don't feel there is an answer that can be given.
I miss singing in English. A lot. i am starting to wonder... people have love languages is it possible that we also have worship languages and if you aren't able to express your love language than you stat to feel distant from God. i am not sure, I should look into that thought some more.
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Just the tip of who I am
- Jennie
- Mexico
- Nothing sounds right. i write it and rewrite and am never happy with it. So just read the blog
2 comments:
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."
-Romans 8:18-27
I sat down Saturday night to finally pray by name for each of the people I'd been adding to my list all week. It felt forced. I was distracted. Satan told me I didn't really care about the people but just prayed because I felt I was supposed to since I'm a minister. But he was wrong. I do care about you and all the others on my list. I pushed through and found God right there with me. Even if you have to say to God, "I don't know how to pray" or simply say nothing. Don't stop praying. I love you and He does too. He wants to hear from you so let your heart speak.
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