last day

I have less than four hours of class. Afterwards I have to pack like a mad woman. I hate packing. It is so hard to motivate myself to do it.

This week just might kill me. I struggle a lot with doing the right thing. I struggle with keeping others accountable to things that i really do not feel is big deal. I want to do the right thing though. I feel we need to do the right thing. I know I am not perfect I know I screw up and I am not making excuses for me but although I fail some times I do not feel that it than cancels out my right to hold you accountable. Ii am trying. i want to be like Jesus and somethings I wonder..... I don't know this is hard. this is really hard for me.

Amanda and I talked last night while we were packing. She was saying how cool it is that we are friends now and how packing to move would just suck if we did not like each other. God is pretty cool that way. He knew what he was doing all alone even when I did not believe that He did.

I hate this feeling I have inside. I want to cry and scream and hit some one in the face. I am so exhausted an you are not making ti any better. You said it was your choice. you said you would take the blame and not hold us responsible. Now, you are so angry at us. I hate doing the right thing sometimes. I really suck at it. I hate trying to hold people accountable who have no care of right or wrong. I am trying so hard. I think I am done.