LIghtning

I sat outside tonight with some amazing people. We sat under the cloudy sky and watched the lightning trace off in the distance. I have finally found it. Iam so happy. I have found happyness in chaos and confusion. I am so excited. things are fallin into place. I Like AIM today. I like my roommates and neighbors. i like classes. I loke meals and singing. I am truly happy. Come seeme here. Come worship with my class.

wow

things are a lot busier here than i ever expected. people told me so but i honstly had no idea how serious they were. I rarely have time to call people from back home. I am constantly exhausted and have begun to wonder if i could find a way to had about 4 more hours in between 5 and 6 am.

Trip this weekend showed very intresting. We got started leaving late becsueour bus wouldnt start sothan borrow a bus from a man who goes to Sunset so we dont leave till 930. weget to Borger just in time to misslunch and as soon as I get in there I see a girl of aobut 12 asking an older boy how to make another girlstop crying. I step in and ask where she is and decided i might bebetterequipped than this boy is. Her and I talk for a bit and I think it helped.

I met some amazing peopl though and got to talk to another girl about why I went to AIM. It was a bit stressful since i only had like 5 minutes. But that is another story foranother time. We than headed on to Canadian when our bus breaks down on the side of the road in the middle of supposedly no where when a family pulls over to help us. they go and buy everything weneed to fix the bus and soem water and refuse to let us pay them back *God is so neat*. So insteadof getting to Canadian at 7 weget there at 915.

I will tell the rest later now I need to go get ready for class.

1st AIM trip

I shall be leaving for Canadian, Tx in somewhere near an hour. Half of the class is going. We are stopping in some city about 3 hours from here and will be at some youth rally and represting AIM and hopefully just having a great time. I am pumped. We will leave there around 6 to be in Canadian that night so wecan spend a few hours at their community center and hang out and paly games. Wewill thanstay with host families and go to church the next morning, stay for a potluck and then book it back here for night church.

I need to go finish getting ready but i will tell you all about my trip when I get back.

Lubbock, my new home

I am here. I know this much is true because I have been able to witness God work somuch in just these first few days. It is amazing to me how close you can become to 55 other people and "it is only Tuesday."


We finally finished orientation today and the real classes begin tomorrow. I have a busy week ahead of me from what I can tell. I am going on a roadtrip this weekend to Canadian, Tx with half of my class and am going to spend the night and I am going to have a blast. I am more than stoked. I have worshiped with my class so many times and it is always amazing.

We have chapel every morning before class with all the SIBI students and yesterday the speaker was really great but what was most amazing was hearing the Great Commision read inhwat I believe wasover 25 different languages. I was amzed and how great and diverse God is and overcoem with joy with the work I know he will send me out to do. God continually proves himself faithful with things I would have never even known to ask for. I am so happy. i am so blessed. I am so excited that God made the desicion for me to come here. I wish to all who read this that you were able to be on this amazing roller coaster ride with me. My faith has changed so much in only 4 days.

Please continue to pray for me and my fellow classmates and we (with God at the forefront) turn this whole world upside down.

18 hours and counting...

We want to be on the rode by 7:30 four out 8ish hour journey.

I was asked yesterday what my expectations were for AIM. Its funny because I went to OC with all these thoughts about how it would be going with all these people I knew and quickly discovered that it really did not matter. I know that it takes time to adjust anywhere. I know things are never quite what they seem I know there will be days that I will not want to be around anyone and know there will be days where I will not want to be alone. I know I will miss OKC. I know I ill miss Tulsa. I know that i shall miss theater and late nights learning lines. I know i will miss painting. I know I will miss late IHOP nights and breaking the rules watching movies real late in my apartment. I will miss concerts of all types and watching others perform. I will miss the piano and voice lessons. I will miss being useless in the scene shop.i will miss laundry songs and all.

What I look forward to is worship with my class. Studying with people for a common goal. i look forward to Bible classes with people who actually want to be there. I look forward to growing deeper in my knowledge of Jesus and the Bible and in who I am and who I want to be. I look forward to morning runs and cooking in my apartment. I look forward to new friends and hopefully some old ones starting over. I look forward to traveling and I look forward to trusting God to provide what I need. I look forward to my new roommates and new memories.

I don't know if I am ready I don't know what to expect. I am scared to death yet excited and maybe even a bit neutral ad sort of numb. I do not know if I can begin to express on this thing all i feel. I o know that I need prayers. i do now that I am not ready yet. I do know that the Jesus in me is though. So pray for me. Pray that God provides.

I am exhausted...
I have given all I know how to give...
I want to be filled with Jesus...
I want to spend time alone with Him...
I feel my world slipping out from under me...
I feel my patience running thin...
I feel a war raging inside of me...
I need to be refilled again...

I wish I knew all the answers...
I wish I had enough time...
I feel like my life is a constant circle...
I worry that the answers I seek...
are nowhere near by...



It might be the lack of sleep, or the no alone time, or the stress of moving, or the stress of having no home. It might be the want for my mom, my tow best friends, or stability, or the desire to be closer to Jesus in a more consistent way. Whatever it is that is plaguing me I am not so completely sure yet. I know I want to believe that Jesus has the power to mend broken relationships I think I am just to impatient to see it. I am tired just pray for me.

I move in about 56 hours who would have ever thought that would come so soon. I am so ready yet more scared than I can even express.

Getting ready to leave

I love it because few people even know that you currently exist. I write what I want about how I feel. I believe this thought is going to be multiple posts though.

Goodbyes have been way rough lately. I said goodbye to Jason T. and that man made me weep, he hugged me and prayed for me and made mention of being a father figure. I cried real hard. Michelle was good for me, we did the see ya later game and refused to make a big deal, same with Derek and Randy and Candice. Michael has proved the hardest thus far. So I have said goodbye to my two best friends and a few other people as well, lets pray this week is maybe a little less emotional ( I doubt it, but a girl can dream. Right?)

On to the other thing I need to/want to/am honored to do.

God,
prayer is one of those things I don't fully understand and am so blessed to know that I do not have to. I pray for the friend who still wants to remain vague. I know it is what they need. I know that time will reveal answers but, Lord could you please reveal them quickly. I want them to be OK, I know you are faithful and perform things in you way. Lord, guard their heart and keep them from being hurt. Take away the worry/fear/doubt/lack of understanding. Help me to be the friend I need to be the way I need to be. This seems to be harder for me than I thought it would be. I know you are faithful so do what you do best and answer my prayer. Thank you for sending Jesus without whom this communication would not be as easy. I thank you for knowing what I mean when the words do not make sense. Thank you God for forgiveness, grace, mercy and love.
Amen

I am feeling a bit relieved

I wish I had the time to sit doewn and explain everything i have learned in the past week. BUt wow, I am at ease in my spirit. The flesh it fighting it hates this decision but my spirit it calm. I hope to one day make these tow conmplete having them act as one but for now I am just happy that I can tell them apart. We had a pre-aimer metting today and man did I need that. SOmetime with those I am going with and remembering why I want to go was very refreshing.

I am nt going lie or say that I am dillusional enough to believethis is going to be easy for me. the transition or schoolwork or the goodbyes, but one day at a time is all I need to do. Today has enough worries of its own.

Tonight is the last college thing I know of before I leave. Today I must worry about fruit pizzas and last details in planning and packing for my super exciting trip to six flags tomorrow. I am stoked and need the time away form this state with just a few friends.

Oh, i hate the word goodbye. It feels so Final, so end all. I need a better word abetter way to say it. We shall see. I will come up with one though.

Well I am happy. I can not wait. Yea for texas in about 9 days this time I should be nearing Lubbock. Pray for me. I shall need all I can get. Pray for the adjustment and the finaces. I am lacking a great deal sitll.

Well I finsih me out with love to all who read

Everlasting Friend