It has been hard to motivate myself to get out of bed today. I feel like all I want to do is lay still. I want to soak in today an all its noises. I want to breath in everything that is Tuesday. Today is a new day. I am having a hard time feeling it but I am going to believe in it and trust in it. I have a God who is beyond amazing. i have a God who knows the future. My faith feels very very weak right now. Holding on seems very hard. I trust though that you have a plan, I trust that you are bigger than me. i don't know why I trust. Some part of me doesn't even want to, but I know that all other choices fail so strongly in comparison to God and who He is.

What a rough week this has been so far. i felt felt almost every emotion across the board. It has been so bad i have started to make myself sick. I think what is worse is I just took two days of personal time so i should be fine and I really shouldn't take another. I know that probably wouldn't be best anyways. SO, I think I am going to try and go by Aidee's house and spend some time with her. than go to starbucks and than head on to Doug and Sandy's to get ready for group.

I also might be in trouble. there was a bit of a mis-communication on Sunday and I think I messed up real bad. I don't know. I thought i was doing the right thing. I wasn't trying to be a rule breaker. i don't think i was. I just got caught in Mexico City (DF). I was told to stay that it was easier but, I guess that it was not communicated with everyone else. i don't know.

This week might kill me. I am learning a lot and I know it willbe better in time... but I really need some time.