Loving this place

I have really not cried a whole lot since I have been here. I have been soaking everything in and jsut letting it all become real. Culture shock is a very intresting thing. It does reallly bizarre things to people. I have really been fighting through ti myself. i have been adjuting to my team and how to "live"with them on a consistant basia.i am happy though.

My team had a meeting on Monday night. We talked about a lot and i got to address a few things that were bothering me. I needed that. Afterwards I talked with Andrew for awhile and I cried for a long time. I do not understand love. I do not understanding how you can truly know a persons faults a love them in ptie of them. Weh I do understand is that he does. he loves me unconditionaly and for that I am forever greatful.

These past weeks have shown very eventful. I could have never known what to expect on this field but, this i do know. God is in control. Supoort has been working out for my whole team. Thank you God. My spirit is high and I am so greatful Fo my God and His unfailing love and commitment to me even when I struggle on remaining commited.

I know my thoughts are jumbled but, there is just so much; so sorry. maybe it will be better next time.

I am so tired of it. I am tired of being a grown-up. I am struggling trying to take care of me. I am tired of being rational and logical. Things are being fixed but, it is taking time. I want to be able to express everything on my mind but, I know that is not always the smartest idea.

The Lord is teaching me so much about myself and I am having a hard time learning it all. I want to be like jesus. I am struggling to know though how He dealt with conflict and frustion.

Did Jesus get annoyed and irrated with people? I mean did they just wear on Him? Did He have to seperate himself. I just want to know how He handled being with the same 12 people all the time. i don't know.

I am here and I am exhausted

Yesterday was my birthday... I am now 21. This is no different than 20. I am glad yesterday is done though. I felt so crummy most of the day and felt so bad becuase I know that people could tell. Everyone was so great but there was too much else on my mind. I couldn't seem to be fun birthday girl.

I don't know. My eyes hurt, my brain hurts, my stomach hurts. It has been a long week.

Mexico

I live here now, it's crazy. I love it here. It is so beautiful. Our house is huge and it is great. U s three girls have a four bedroom, 4 1/2 bathroom, a living room, kitchen, patio, two balconies and the rooftop which will eventually serve as the third balcony, home. Our landlord is so nice and really worked on us feeling like this home is our home. We are very happy with it.

the church we are working with is so great. the people are very nice and have really made us feel welcome, well I mean from what i understand so far.

We start language classes in a week and a day. I am scared, i have never tried to learn a foreign language before, so I am praying that I pick it up rather easily.

I am so tired though, this past week has been very busy. I will give a real and good post either tonight or tpmorrow.

And Breath... Just Breath

time moves by around me so fast. It is beyond my understanding how life can happen this way. I was looking at my blog and my personal information is: "who would have ever thought it was going to end and begin like this."

It has got me thinking though. The ending of Lubbock time and the beginning of Mexico time. I move in 22 days. This is the most bizarre thing. The stuff I learned while I was away will forever change me. The friendships that were created in Lubbock and the lost ones from OC. I was stretched and pulled and molded. God has changed me. i see the world different now. I am having to just step back and breath. I have to remember that God is in control. i am having to trust.

the talk the other night helped so much. I need someone to listen to me and to hear me out. Someone who isn't so busy with life that they are too busy for me.

I have no idea what is ahead and to say that I am not afraid would be a lie. I know this though. the one who has brought me this far, even when I am pushing and pulling in the opposite direction, knew what He was doing than and He knows what He is doing now. I am learning what it means to trust, unconditionally. I am learning what it means to be a true women of faith. i am so grateful for God and who He chooses to be in my life. I know it is going to be great.

new steps and new things. Saying goodbye and hello. who would have ever thought that it would end and begin like this? I must say, I am so grateful it did.

fingers in splint, cannot type for awhile.

packing again

my lubbock time is over. wow it flew by, everyone said it would butI guess it never fully clicked with me. This last week was a rough one. goodbyes were painful. I hurt some people andended some friendships. god is faithful and is in complete contrl. i smile because of who i get to be in my Savior.