And Breath... Just Breath

time moves by around me so fast. It is beyond my understanding how life can happen this way. I was looking at my blog and my personal information is: "who would have ever thought it was going to end and begin like this."

It has got me thinking though. The ending of Lubbock time and the beginning of Mexico time. I move in 22 days. This is the most bizarre thing. The stuff I learned while I was away will forever change me. The friendships that were created in Lubbock and the lost ones from OC. I was stretched and pulled and molded. God has changed me. i see the world different now. I am having to just step back and breath. I have to remember that God is in control. i am having to trust.

the talk the other night helped so much. I need someone to listen to me and to hear me out. Someone who isn't so busy with life that they are too busy for me.

I have no idea what is ahead and to say that I am not afraid would be a lie. I know this though. the one who has brought me this far, even when I am pushing and pulling in the opposite direction, knew what He was doing than and He knows what He is doing now. I am learning what it means to trust, unconditionally. I am learning what it means to be a true women of faith. i am so grateful for God and who He chooses to be in my life. I know it is going to be great.

new steps and new things. Saying goodbye and hello. who would have ever thought that it would end and begin like this? I must say, I am so grateful it did.

fingers in splint, cannot type for awhile.

packing again

my lubbock time is over. wow it flew by, everyone said it would butI guess it never fully clicked with me. This last week was a rough one. goodbyes were painful. I hurt some people andended some friendships. god is faithful and is in complete contrl. i smile because of who i get to be in my Savior.

small group ended up being well but not what I truly wanted.

SO... i am flippin exhausted. I worked my butt off this week. We had finals and what not this week and finished classes for AIM on Wednesday. My team had cultural breakfast this past morning. It was so great but tiring.

These next few weeks are going to be so busy with camp adventure. We will than travel to Arlington and than to Tulsa and to who knows where for a week and than back here for like a week and a half. I am so Happy on one end and than broken completely on the other end. I don't even know.

I think I will will just be to busy to process it all yet, but God will figure it out for me I guess.

Too short

I went back to OKC this weekend. I got to go back for spring sing. It was really good for me to get to go back and see people. it was hard though. i didn't know how emotionally wearing goodbye could be. For some reason i did not even want to be too near you. I did not want to even want to do the hello because I knew the goodbye would be coming way too soon. I didn't want to let go again. i think I freaked out some people but whatever. he weekend was so good for me.

It was really good to talk to Michael and Jaime. How faithful God always is and how nice it is to have that truth.

Its hard right now. Team stuff is very hard right now. Investing is difficult. I missed almost all of my afternoon clasess today because of talking with Kris, Chris Jo and Ben. I think it is going to work out though. I have so much to do this week. Good thing every other day this week is a half day that should help. Just a week and a half more of classes. Oh how nice.

Pray for me please. Pray for God to show me what is right and what is best. pray that He intervenes right now because We greatly need that. Pray for my boys as they discover their role on the team and what it means to lead. Pray for the girls as we grow in loving each other and encouraging the boys into their role. Pray for me to be more loving and supportive.

I am teaching small group tomorrow night but that is for a whole nother entry so till next time.

Came home sick today. I have on of those headaches that makes you cranky. Light hurts, noise hurts, thinking hurts, breathing hurts, I am exhausted. I have stressed myself out to the point of illness.

I talked to a fried the other night and they asked me why I cry so often. they asked me why i fight with people so much. htey asked em what had changed in Lubbock from when I was at OC. I am not sure though. I honestly have no idea. I am a little worried though. Maybe i am jsut stressing out about stupid things.

Chris J likes me. he thinks I am neat and this makes me smile real lots. He is pretty swell and I way like his family as well.. I

growing

So today was a rough one. I cried a whole lot. I am flippin out a bit jsut trying to process being on a team. It has been a very rough past few days. i guess past week is more accurate. I have been alon with the rest of my team fighting illness. I don't know what all eveyrone had but i can tell youthat it was way unpleasent. All are much better than they have been though.

We had a hard team meeting on Friday night. There was talk of quiting the team and talk of leaving AIM from different people. this was exhausting but very valuable to be aware of where people are at.

I am beign stretched and grown and ripped apart. I feel like my eyes might just fall out of my head. I have ben crying and fighting and such. I got angry today. I got so mad i wanted to quit. I am not quitting though. I am so afraid of the unknown. i know god is faithful. I am working on being confident in that knowledge. god is faithful and will reveal His plan inhis due time.

I leave for Mexico in less than 70 hours. I am very excited to get there and to get to go to Cuernavaca fo=r a day and meet the last couple and to stay the ngiht and go to the church I will be attending in a few short months.

More on all fo this soon... but right nwo I desperately need to go clean.