small group ended up being well but not what I truly wanted.

SO... i am flippin exhausted. I worked my butt off this week. We had finals and what not this week and finished classes for AIM on Wednesday. My team had cultural breakfast this past morning. It was so great but tiring.

These next few weeks are going to be so busy with camp adventure. We will than travel to Arlington and than to Tulsa and to who knows where for a week and than back here for like a week and a half. I am so Happy on one end and than broken completely on the other end. I don't even know.

I think I will will just be to busy to process it all yet, but God will figure it out for me I guess.

Too short

I went back to OKC this weekend. I got to go back for spring sing. It was really good for me to get to go back and see people. it was hard though. i didn't know how emotionally wearing goodbye could be. For some reason i did not even want to be too near you. I did not want to even want to do the hello because I knew the goodbye would be coming way too soon. I didn't want to let go again. i think I freaked out some people but whatever. he weekend was so good for me.

It was really good to talk to Michael and Jaime. How faithful God always is and how nice it is to have that truth.

Its hard right now. Team stuff is very hard right now. Investing is difficult. I missed almost all of my afternoon clasess today because of talking with Kris, Chris Jo and Ben. I think it is going to work out though. I have so much to do this week. Good thing every other day this week is a half day that should help. Just a week and a half more of classes. Oh how nice.

Pray for me please. Pray for God to show me what is right and what is best. pray that He intervenes right now because We greatly need that. Pray for my boys as they discover their role on the team and what it means to lead. Pray for the girls as we grow in loving each other and encouraging the boys into their role. Pray for me to be more loving and supportive.

I am teaching small group tomorrow night but that is for a whole nother entry so till next time.

Came home sick today. I have on of those headaches that makes you cranky. Light hurts, noise hurts, thinking hurts, breathing hurts, I am exhausted. I have stressed myself out to the point of illness.

I talked to a fried the other night and they asked me why I cry so often. they asked me why i fight with people so much. htey asked em what had changed in Lubbock from when I was at OC. I am not sure though. I honestly have no idea. I am a little worried though. Maybe i am jsut stressing out about stupid things.

Chris J likes me. he thinks I am neat and this makes me smile real lots. He is pretty swell and I way like his family as well.. I

growing

So today was a rough one. I cried a whole lot. I am flippin out a bit jsut trying to process being on a team. It has been a very rough past few days. i guess past week is more accurate. I have been alon with the rest of my team fighting illness. I don't know what all eveyrone had but i can tell youthat it was way unpleasent. All are much better than they have been though.

We had a hard team meeting on Friday night. There was talk of quiting the team and talk of leaving AIM from different people. this was exhausting but very valuable to be aware of where people are at.

I am beign stretched and grown and ripped apart. I feel like my eyes might just fall out of my head. I have ben crying and fighting and such. I got angry today. I got so mad i wanted to quit. I am not quitting though. I am so afraid of the unknown. i know god is faithful. I am working on being confident in that knowledge. god is faithful and will reveal His plan inhis due time.

I leave for Mexico in less than 70 hours. I am very excited to get there and to get to go to Cuernavaca fo=r a day and meet the last couple and to stay the ngiht and go to the church I will be attending in a few short months.

More on all fo this soon... but right nwo I desperately need to go clean.

God is breaking my heart. He is moving me into a place I had never seen myself going. I am moving to Mexico. To Mexico. With the most amazing team a girl could ask for. I am truly blessed. i am broken and blessed.

I am beautifully broken. I am been ripped down and torn apart. I have been shapped and molded. Ht Lord is my rock and my salvation. I am so happy.I am broken and blessed

GROSS!!!!!!

I feel gross and yucky and empty and blah. i feel helpless and confused and in desperate need of something more than what I have been doing. i know where my struggle lies and where it will continue to be. I hate this. I hate feeling like this. NO control. NO answers. NO one to confide in. NO one who understands.

I HATE SATAN!!!!!!!! I hate what he does to me. I hate how he makes me feel insecure and alone and empty. I hate that he knows my weakness and uses them. I hate him and all he is.

Well, this is it. This is the end. Jesus and I are going to fight. We will win. I am protected. I have someone who knows me better and completely and loves me unconditionally. I have someone who hold me tight and will never let me go. I have someone who has a plan mapped out for me and a desire for who i can be and i want to be on that path.

I LOVE JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
,
I love who i can be in Him. I love who He allows me to be. I am waiting for Him. MY Prince, my beloved. My Savior. My God.

I choose to make him Lord of today. I choose to make Him Lord of now and my future.

Amen

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for you unconditional love.

I have no motivation. i am exhausted and tired. Weddings are tiring. I am not sure what i think anymore. I have had so much on my plate recently. I think i have emptied it all out. why do I do these things. why do I stay so busy. Why do I allow myself to over busy myself and make such little time for a God? I know the importance and value of prayer and bible reading and time with God yet i still constantly fight what H desires for me. I need some good Jesus time. i need o go spend some time at a coffee shop with no one else. I might hit up the library at school or go find a place where no one else is. I want bible study with someone. I want an impromptu praise and worship time.

I have been good thus far. I have broke no rules or messed this up. I for some reason was under the impression that this would be enough. Not doing the wrong thing does not surpass doing the right thing. I need to o the right thing. I need to do the best thing. i am gonna do better.

Clean Slate '08.... yea thats good but I like New Sate '08